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Sunday, October 22

The Rules Of Texas

People give us Southerners a bad rap sometimes, but all in all, we really are not a bad bunch. Someone sent me these rules, and as a native West Texan, I feel compelled to share. If you come to our great state of Texas, you are welcome…just follow a few simple rules.

Rules of Texas:

1. Pull YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP! You look like an idiot!

2. It's called a "gravel road" for a reason. It's made of dirt and gravel. I drive a truck because I want to. You will get dust on your Lexus, drive it or get out of my way

3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you (BAD). They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand! You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: Meats, Vegetables, and Breads. We use three spices: Salt, Pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah....We don't care what you folks back East or out West call that stuff you eat...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in Texas....and real chili never met a bean or a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. High School and College Football is as important here as the Raiders, 49ers, Lakers or the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas Tech, Texas A&M or University of Texas. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas," If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas!"