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From country to city, From farm to fireworks…Through marriage & children, Through employment & ownership, Life continues to be an amazing journey…

Wednesday, February 8

Interracial Relationships - My Thoughts - My Experience

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My bluff has been called. It is exciting for me when a reader specifically WANTS to know what I think about any particular thing. It also causes apprehensiveness. Be careful what you ask for, I have a fault for being honest.

Yesterday’s post Racial Profiling: I May Not Be Talking To You allowed me to show my readers that while extremely “Right Wing”…I am not a “Right Wing Nazi”. I had an interesting response commending the post, but presenting the challenge that most people say what I said, until one of your children brings home someone of a different race. How do I feel about that?

How would this reader know that “I’ve been there”. Background information and statement of beliefs first: its common knowledge I’m a Texan Baptist. Also common knowledge…after I left the South, I had 20 years among a vastly different cultural and pretty loose environment. While not a Bible Thumper per-say…I am very spiritual, I prefer karmic in my later years. For me personally, I am not a big proponent of interracial relationships. And, believe it or not…that has NOTHING TO DO WITH PREDJUDICE. My mother used to preach to me, “Be ye not unequally yoked one to another”. The bible verse is basically intended to not unite believers and unbelievers, but my mother carried it to a broader spectrum, i.e. do not match races, do not match drinkers with die-hard T-Totallers…basically if there are too many differences, it will just cause unnecessary problems and challenges, when a “normal” relationship is hard enough over many years. That is NOT to say that I do not thoroughly enjoy and love dearly my friends of color, and they me…but to unite in a marriage or relationship…I do not believe is productive, at least for me. By that same token, I do not judge in the least others that choose that path for themselves.

Interracial relationships DO without a doubt cause some inevitable difficulties. I believe when children are produced of these relationships, even more difficulties and just “extra things to explain” come about. I grew up in a place where racism wasn’t a big deal, but all colors seemed to marry within their own, yet many families of color would commonly socialize with each other. That’s the way I think it should be.

Now comes to my own experience. My son met a beautiful black girl. She even had a three year old son that was just as adorable. I came from dirt-poor beginnings, raised on a 160 acre cotton farm in West Texas. This young lady also came from meager beginnings to build herself a nice career as a hairdresser in a prominent salon, and had a beautiful apartment with her child. She was a successful single mother. It took him a while to approach me with these facts, but when he did…I was amazed at my own reaction. I took a silent breath for a moment. I pondered all that I came from, and also contemplated everywhere I had been since that time. I explained to him my love for him. I explained that he was now a grown man and that I trusted his judgment for who he was attracted to, and that obviously I would never want his relationship with a woman of his choosing to deter from my relationship with him and our family. He was welcome to bring her over.

His relationship continued for some time, and when around me, she was on great behavior and appeared to be an excellent mother. The little boy was a doll baby, and I even enjoyed him. I was willing to accept whatever may have come from that relationship as far as long term. Then…as with any relationship, came a time for a fairly big argument between the two. This argument began while they were driving on a busy freeway with the little boy in the back seat. She all of a sudden changed, and began to beat him with her fist about his face while he was trying to drive, and with her son present and crying in the back seat. Needless to say, this was a BAD DAY in our household. He called me just about crazy, and she had taken his keys and gone away to a girlfriend’s house. He did not know what to do, so I told him, no worries I would intervene. I went to this residence. It was a nice home from the outside, but when the owner opened the door, it was awful. It was a filthy house, the owner was unkept “white trash” in my opinion, with a couple of filthy children, and I did retrieve his keys, but she was horrid to me. She spoke in “gang type” language and acted “so black”. That relationship was over, and sad to say, all my redneck blood came rushing back to me, and I concluded…you can take the girl out of the ghetto, but maybe you cannot take the ghetto out of the girl. I think my son sadly feels that way now too, and I don’t think he would take this avenue again.

I would like to think that given a new day and a different person, I would start from point zero and judge the situation fairly based on a new relationship. I’m just not sure. I would like to say though that in my husband’s family…his sister is married to a Vietnamese man, and they have two children. He is wonderful, and we love the adorable children to death. Also, my husband’s cousin that is just like a brother just recently married a beautiful woman from Spain, and she is amazing and they are expecting their first child. We do have a colorful family, and all have a wonderful time together when we are fortunate enough to be together.

Thank you to The Intuitive Woman for her comment and challenge. Hopefully I haven’t lost a reader, but gained others. Whatever your beliefs are, stick to them and be happy in whatever you seek in life.