Who's Yo Daddy?

OK, I promised you Redneck Humor.  I happen to originally be from the Great State of Texas, but even I take the shit with a smile.  There’s a lot to give.  It’s regrettable that these are not jokes, but actual statements.  The following excerpts are ACTUAL statements taken from Child Support applications at the Child Support / Welfare Agency offices in the section of the form listing father’s details.  When a person applies to the State for State supported child support garnishments, it is the duty of that department to attempt to find the father and find out why he is not paying his child support.  Texan women answered the “Who’s Yo Daddy” question this way: Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Mr. X (I didn’t want to put actual names in this posting).  I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind.  I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.  She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Ave. where I had unprotected sex with a man that I met that night.  I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.  If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number?  Thanks. I don’t know the identity of the father of my daughter.  He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.  Perhaps you can contact one of the BMW service stations in this area and see if he’s had it replaced. I have never had sex with a man.  I am still a Virginian.  I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son’s conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again. I cannot tell you the name of child A’s dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and have cataclysmic implications for the economy.  I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.  Please advise. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me. Mr. X (again a real name protected in this post) is the father of child A.  If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CD’s?  Child B who was also born at the same time…well I don’t have a clue. From the dates, it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.   So much about that night is a blur.  The only thing I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.  If I’d stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Dr., mine might have stayed unfertilized.   I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can’t be sure which one made you fart. Yes indeed great Americans.  These people are your example of your TAX DOLLARS at work.  I say, “Vote to keep abortion legal…so these dim bulbs do not reproduce!”