Monday Mailgasms

Regular readers know that Monday Mailgasms are the tidbits of useless tripe that falls into your "junk box" each week through e-mail. This is the stuff beyond all the Viagra and Cialis crap, and just stuff that you just cannot make up. Since we never actually read them, they could be about anything...we all just imagine what something so worthless could make so many take the time to even type it. Monday Mailgasms go like this...I provide the subject of the crap e-mail, and comment on it...complete with misspellings and all :) Here's this week's JUNK winners... Subject: Comment As bevier this ridiculous: Yes…while “bevier” is NOT a word, I do agree that the MASSIVE amount of spam e-mail I get on a daily basis constitutes a “bevy” of ridiculous junk. calorie copy machine: NO,…I want my calories as far away from ANYTHING that can COPY them as possible :) Endometriosis – take an active role: No thank you…I would like to stay as far away from endometriosis as I do copied calories :) Commodity dilatation: Yes…ALL OF MY COMMODITIES have been expanded and stretched beyond normal capacity. My gas is too high, too many illegal immigrants crowd my streets that my tax dollars pay for, bleeding heart liberals are stretching my patience beyond belief with their whining and uncooperative selfish vengeances, and on and on…(maybe I should have read this one…to see how the sender has been "dilatated"…) by rain smythe Make: Unsure on this one…”smythe” is a last name Smythe. If this is the case, I assume someone copulated in the rain to Make “Baby Smythe” and the making deserved a capital M. Next in line would be scythe, which is a tool used to cut or mow grass, which cannot be accomplished in the rain, as wet grass does not cut. Therefore,…this sender was wrong on either level…off to the trash you go. bog less lacquer: Someone thought they could cover a bog with lacquer? Oxymoron, please do not send me any more junk mail… birthright kaleidoscope: I am fairly certain this is the “politically correct” description of “Who’s The Baby-Daddy” of Dannilynn Smith… stove brontosaurus: Barney has a new cooking show?...all dishes purple of course :) spangle unintelligible: The definition of people my age (44) having NO CLUE why persons of “modern expression” (usually age 18-25) have so much unintelligible spangle stuck through their lips, tongues, noses, and eyebrows. Clue: NO SPANGLE – VERY intelligible – AND MORE SUCCESSFUL… her he cubage: “Dude”, she thinks you are a SQUARE…LOSE HER NUMBER!...she obviously LOST YOURS…