Kenmore HE4 SUCKS !

Kenmore HE4 – THEY SUCK !! OK, it’s official.  The new Sears Kenmore HE4 washer and dryer SUCK!   At first, I thought maybe I’m just too “old school”… after all…  I remember my Grandmother’s original washer that only washed, and the “ringer” you used afterward that was likely to take your arm off if not careful… We fell prey to the awesome TV commercials too.  We were in the market for a new washer / dryer set, and now in our more responsible adult years… we don’t make purchases on a whim the way we used to.  We can also now afford just about anything we want over time, so I DID study, and I DID look around, and after many salesmen yacking in my ear, and watching all the great ads, and checking consumer reports for stats… decided on the “almighty Kenmore HE4 series”.  They are beautiful - Why, you can have your choice of white, black, orange (yuk) and the calming blue that we purchased.  We also purchased the “square stands” that go beneath them (a waste at $200 each).  These are supposed to make the whole laundry experience “so much nicer” as you no longer have to bend over to get your clothes out of the washer or dryer.  (That was also a HUGE selling point on the front loading washer).  It is also a “storage space” for supplies, and one of them has a “nice” little plastic bench that goes across the top for “folding purposes”… yeah right! Well, after about nine months of laundry dissatisfaction, I am officially claiming the whole thing a bunch of bull-shit.  I HATE MY NEW  washer and dryer!  If that’s not bad enough, I hate the feeling that I wasted SO MUCH MONEY (about $3000 for the spiffy set)!  I remember the day that my husband (who hates shopping and the mall about as much as having his fingernails removed…true couch potato () said, “Honey, lets get in the truck and go to Sears.  Let’s get you that new washer & dryer you’ve been wanting.”  Now, those are truly good days for a wife, and ones that don’t come around too often.  Now I have to also feel guilty about his generosity and kindness every time I voice my opinion about how they suck!  (But, he helps with laundry and he hates them too… a small reprieve.) Here’s my list of bitches: They are bigger than normal:  They stick out further from the wall more than regular brands (however, they do NOT take up as much room width wise).  So… not a week after I got the damn things… we realized that you have to implement a new household rule to use them.  If your laundry has a door that opens to the garage like ours… NEW RULE:  Whoever is doing laundry must LOCK the door when using the appliances.  Otherwise, someone unexpectedly comes barreling through the door, and you end up with a very nice door handle shaped hole / shatter screen on the front of your brand new HE4. Laundry must now be done on a STRICT SCHEDULE:   Otherwise, your clothes STINK like the clothes of a superstitious ball player that wears the same socks and jock strap for 5 games straight as to not break the winning streak!  I don’t know about you, but I like to throw a load of laundry in the washer sometimes as I’m going to bed, and then put them in the dryer the next morning.  Not with the HE4 you don’t!  They seal so well that all the heat and humidity from the warm water will inject that horrible mildew smell into your clothes while you sleep.  The worst part, it’s not that OBVIOUS mildew smell.  Oh sure, when you take the clothes out, they don’t smell too bad, not even when you dry them.  But later, when you put them on… and body heat begins to warm them… it’s a faint hint of reek that will get to you.  You find yourself smelling your sleeve, and wondering, “Is that me… or does that guy over there stink like shit?”.  He leaves, you move along, and don’t notice it again maybe until you are driving in the car, and then again… you catch that whiff… it’s horrible!  Thank goodness no one else notices, because I’ve asked people before when I’ve walked by.  “Have you noticed me smelling funny when I walk by?”  They reply, “NO-why?”  Then I’ve had a friend smell the clothes closely, and they notice, “Oh, yeah… what is that?  Did you bump up against something moldy?”  I have to reply, “NO- I just spent $3000 fucking dollars on a shitty washer and dryer that was supposed to be the best thing since sliced bread” Laundry now is a retirement project:  The powers that be advertise these as big energy saving devices.  They say that the units use lots less water and electricity.  I haven’t seen any difference in my utility bills, and my hair is turning grey as I watch the damn things perform.  In order to get any kind of really clean load, you must choose a cycle that takes at least 110 minutes!  Then the dryer’s cycles are never enough, I always have to turn the damn thing back on for 20-30 more minutes to get the clothes dry.  They DO USE LESS WATER, hell; they almost use NO WATER AT ALL!  You can sit and watch the things work.  Upon cycle start… about 5 drops of water come out of the shoot and then the close turn over a couple of cycles.  Then, another 5 drops of water… then you get a cup or so of water, then they turn over clockwise, then counterclockwise a few times.  Then a few more spurts of water.  This unbelievable moronic cycle continues over and over until it’s officially in “wash” mode.  But even then, the clothes just look really, really wet.  There’s NEVER a time when you see an actual “level” of water, and clothes sloshing around in it.  And, there’s no way to choose the level of water.  These things “have a brain” in them, and they detect all on their own the amount of water not to use.   Don’t have to bend over my ass:  All the hype about not bending over to retrieve clothing… malarkey!  You just bend over now at a different angle, I personally find more painful and “odd” than with traditional washer/dryers.  And, that great little $200 drawer at the bottom… My God, you have to practically stand on your head to get anything out of there, and who in their right mind would bend over at the point of almost touching their toes to fold clothes on a 2x3 foot plastic table? Put more clothes in them?  NOT TRUE:  The big ad on TV brags about how many more jeans you can wash, or how you can wash 21 towels… not a good idea.  You CAN get 12 jeans in it, and you CAN get many towels in it, but they come out looking like wadded up pieces of paper with mysterious fuzz all over them because it’s physically impossible to truly clean that many clothes in an ounce or two of water. Quieter Maybe…Not Less Movement:  Another big selling point is the quietness of the front loading pair.  It is quiet… UNTIL THE CLOTHES DON’T BALANCE, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO!  Believe it or not, clothes still make the washer “jump around” in the front loaders, just like the old ones.  However, at least in the old one, you can open the lid and move shit around and make it stop.  NOT WITH THE HE4!  You just have to watch the crazy washer shake like a spastic palsy victim until it “adjusts itself with that great brain it has inside it”.  So, if you were like me and thought this nice little graceful unit would be better… and put your 10 pound plastic bottle of laundry detergent that you just bought on top of the washer instead of up on the shelf above it (which you have a hard time reaching now because the washer sticks out too far), or instead of bending over to the $200 drawer (that is too short to hold common sizes of detergent)… you then go back to whatever you were doing until you hear this HORRIBLE CRASH downstairs, and run to see what the hell… and find an entire 100 ounces of thick blue laundry detergent covering the entirety of your laundry room floor.  And I do mean entirety!  Under the washer, under the dryer, inside the hot water heater closet, all of it.  Nice fucking mess to have to clean up…almost impossible! Sorry Sears… I still rant and rave about Kenmore products, as I’ve purchased them for years… but have to say… NO KUDOS FOR HE4… I am actually looking forward to returning to Sears and purchasing a more traditional top loading washer and dryer that I have complete control of.  I will ask the delivery boys to give the “old” HE4’s to whatever sucker wants them first…